Panda Musings

Where I say what I'm thinking when it's too long for a facebook update - and not private enough to be locked away on livejournal
May 6

Fucking fat.

I am sooo very tired of struggling with my weight. Its just such a beat down to get on the wagon & fall off the wagon. I’ll do well for 3 weeks, have gradual losses that make me happy & then one taco dinner & I gain 4 pounds, get depressed, eat more tacos & queso & all the tex mex and get more depressed, get back on the wagon. Rinse & repeat.

My company has some great initiatives for getting fit and learning healthy habits (all of which I already know!) So I do well when we have those events, but I’m prettt sure my body is just happy where it is & doesn’t want to be smaller. Which fucking sucks. We had a ten week challenge. I lost 1 lb. 1!

Maybe the doc will be able to tell me something soon as I go in for a full blood workup on Wednesday. Maybe it is my body. If so, great! If not? I will no longer be able to enjoy food because one enjoyment meal blows weeks of work. And that just makes me sad.

I know how to lighten up my fave foods, and do. I even try never to go to fast food places.

The problem is me. I don’t have the willpower to change. Which fucking sucks. I’m so sick of being fucking fat. I tried doing accountability checkins on Twitter, that didn’t work. Ugh, what is wrong with me that I can’t just go: No. You will do this? Maybe now. Maybe this time. Maybe i don’t tell and just do?

We have a new challenge at work coming up. I want to be in go mode before then.

I’d say wish me luck, but that’s not what I need. I need to just do it. So wish me a nike slogan instead? Or not, don’t.

February 12

gazingintotheabyss:

Sometimes I get disappointed that the Rangers didn’t do more this offseason.

Then I watch this and I feel soooo much better.

So ready for baseball! Happy P&C day y’all! Aren’t you so glad he’s ours?

December 13

Panda’s take on baseball

Ya know, Josh made baseball fun for me again and in 3 years he made me question my loyalty to him.

He has magic in his bat, there is something about that sound he can make with a bat that makes you jump and cheer. Yet in the waning months of the 2011 season we didn’t hear it much if at all, and I dreaded his at bats much like I did Vlad’s. With a wanting heart and a hope. A hope of the bat of old.

Remember when we wished he wouldn’t play as hard? When we prayed for a bubblewrapped Josh just to make it through the season? When he played balls to the wall and we were so fucking happy he was “ours”? Then he quit playing as hard, after he reached those magic numbers we knew he had in him.

2009 made me love baseball again. 2010 made me #ladyboner most every game. And 2011 was full if hope and dreams and #fuckyeahwegotthis yet…those waning months made me question this fandom I have. I love too hard and it hurts too much. But I kept with it, till the final out.

Remember Cliffmas? Wasn’t that fucking beautiful? Remember how we all questioned that Beltre money? Remember how pissed we were at Young’s pissypants? Then, wow, shit fucking happened and it was amazing to be a fan again? No questions? Then Yu, oh fuck yeah Yu!

Then keritosis (sic) and quitting tobacco and the “incident”.

We all still hoped they would get there. Then the wheels fell off…

Not gonna lie, I loved the napoli signing and I knew it would be big and oh my me it was.

Now…they’re gone.

But remember how excited we were about PROFAR and olt?

This season is going to be fun. Fucking fun.

Yes, our big bats are gone. The #Face is gone. But we still have one of the moat fun teams in baseball. Andrus is still here. Beltre is still here. Yu is still here. And we have our young guys. Sure, they’re unsteady and unproven. But it’s going to be amazing to see them develop and prove to us, that gutting our team of them was the wrong decision. They are going to show us that they deserve to be #rangers and they’re going to play balls to the wall. They’re going to command at the mound and more than anything else they’re going to prove rangers fans wrong, those that wanted to sell the farm (and them) for big names.

Texas ballplayers have always been different. They have always been special. But we’re here for them, and we need to show them that. Bandwagon fans won’t be there, but we will. Those of us that know their names, that want their appearance and will cheer loudly.

It’s time (to steal an old marketing shtick) to encourage the team we have and the team our front office wanted. We aren’t the same suck ass team of the past.

It may not be as magical as hearing that bat crack a ball out of the park, but it will be something and that is much more than our more recent past. It’s watching a team grow and excel.

Nelly’s bat will come back. He will never drop a game deciding ball again. Beltre will still make those jaw dropping defensive plays. Andrus will still be the anchor of those pantydropping double plays. Kinsley will still light those fireworks more often than not. Moreland will continue his offensive threat when needed and Murphy will still be more clutch than we could ever need. Yu will surprise, amaze and make us cum on a reular basis. Dutch will make it happen, Nathan will still make us hold our breaths and I bet those “new” guys will frustrate and amaze us.

It’s not over boys and girls. Get off the ledge.

I love this team, I love that JD kept what he could together, and I’m going to have fun cheering for them this year.

September 5
thejerkstore: NFL starts today. Obligatory.

thejerkstore:

NFL starts today. Obligatory.

(via thejerkstore-deactivated2013010)

August 27

Rangers win

I. Up until tonight, have never seen a Rangers win at the ballpark (or the old stadium) I was honestly scared Price was going to keep that streak alive. Then a baseball game happened. A good one. Similar good & bad plays on both sides. I had my hopes up in the 7th, 8th and 9th, but I never got too excited. Then Adams and Nathan took care of it and delivered my first in person win. I am hoarse and sore and happy and holy crap I should maybe only go to games alone…. Not that I believe in that nonsense, but after 20+ years of never ever seeing a win, there has to be something I did right? Like hitting that bird or being nice to the Rays fan or just going to enjoy a game with no expectations due to years of disappointment…. Whatever it is… I’m so happy to be able to go to games again, I WILL enjoy it and question nothing. #rangers

June 9

My Texas, I need this…

It finally became real that I am actually moving home. Some of my co-workers are disappointed, others not so much. But, whatever. I’ve never not had a job…this is quite scary. Everyone keeps telling me I’ll be okay, but after multiple rejections I am lacking their confidence. My backup plan is nice and I’m incredibly grateful to my friend for helping me out, but the overall career plan is in flux… I may have an opportunity to stY with my company in a different role, however, I’m not holding my breath. That hiring manager drags his feet more than a dirty kid to a bath…I would probably be home for 6 months before he made a decision. Although, I’m doing what I can to help him. Working my networks to job hookups as well. No solid details yet, but I may have a few new career paths to choose from, but nothing is in the works yet.

I am so excited to move home though. Family, friends, music, events, etc. Everything this place doesn’t have. My pal D keeps saying I’ll miss the beach, but no, not really. I rarely go as it is, and when I do its on a lark. Because it is the one thing to do besides drinking…I would rather be landlocked my entire life and be surrounded by family and friends than ever live at the beach by myself again. I have made friends here, but not like the ones I have at home. 7 weeks and counting. Guess I should start packing…

May 24
Big Mayo Will Destroy Us All

thejerkstore:

I hate mayonnaise. I hate it, and I’ve hated it my entire life. But I can’t seem to escape it. You mayo-haters out there know what I mean. You walk into a restaurant, you order something and say, “but no mayo,” then when it’s delivered to you not only is there mayo on it, there is an OFFENSIVE amount of mayo on it

I second this entire post, and would like to add my own addendum regarding sour cream. I fucking hate sour cream. The sight of it induces disgust; the smell of it induces gagging; and the taste of it? Literally vomit. The problem is, I love Mexican food. Not fake-ass Americanized Mexican food, but the real shit. Sour cream is nowhere to be found. But that wasn’t good enough for you fat fucks, so you had to load everything with cheddar cheese and globs of rotten milk, and now I can’t escape the shit. You think getting mayo off of a sandwich is hard? Try getting sour cream off of anything. 

In conclusion, fuck you, sour cream. 



Yep, exactly all of this.

(via thejerkstore-deactivated2013010)
April 6
“ I have said that Texas is a state of mind, but I think it is more than that. It is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it and, as in other religions, few people dare to inspect it for fear of losing their bearings in mystery or paradox. But I think there will be little quarrel with my feeling that Texas is one thing. For all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Rich, poor, Panhandle, Gulf, city, country, Texas is the obsession, the proper study, and the passionate possession of all Texans.”
― John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America Texas forever. Never forget

(Source: pilatesandgin)
March 22

If you don’t fall in love with this, I’m not sure we can be friends

(Source: pilatesandgin)

March 19
I have a friend going through a rough time with a missing animal. I can’t even imagine her heartache, I’ve never lost an animal, I’ve had to put them down or they unexpectedly died, but they’ve never gone missing (well I take that back I had 2 huskies growing up who just couldn’t be tamed, but we came to terms with their wandering nature and when they left for good it was what was supposed to happen). There is a part if my heart that just aches for her, but nowhere near her pain. So go now. Hug your furbabies tight and tell them you love them, nothing can replace them when they’re gone and we sometimes take their love for granted. They have that unconditional love that few humans can muster. I know my pup greets me daily to tell me about his day, knows when I have a bad one, and breaks all the furniture rules when I’m just so very sad and nothing but his snuggles or a bottle of whiskey can cure. He usually makes me not even need the whiskey. he greets me in that goofy puppy way whenever I walk in a room, talks to me when he’s lonely and makes me laugh uncontrollably at times when he’s just doing those doggy things he do. As silly as it seems, I tell him goodbye every morning, I tell him when I’m coming back and I tell him I love him every day. I also apologize when I’m late, when I oversleep and when I accidentally run out of food and have to run to to the store. And when I come home from work I ask him how his day was and listen. Now, all of this could be that I live alone, but I honestly talk to him at times more than some roommates I’ve had. Now, go love on your animals, because they’d love in you 24/7 if you’d let them.

I have a friend going through a rough time with a missing animal. I can’t even imagine her heartache, I’ve never lost an animal, I’ve had to put them down or they unexpectedly died, but they’ve never gone missing (well I take that back I had 2 huskies growing up who just couldn’t be tamed, but we came to terms with their wandering nature and when they left for good it was what was supposed to happen). There is a part if my heart that just aches for her, but nowhere near her pain. So go now. Hug your furbabies tight and tell them you love them, nothing can replace them when they’re gone and we sometimes take their love for granted. They have that unconditional love that few humans can muster. I know my pup greets me daily to tell me about his day, knows when I have a bad one, and breaks all the furniture rules when I’m just so very sad and nothing but his snuggles or a bottle of whiskey can cure. He usually makes me not even need the whiskey. he greets me in that goofy puppy way whenever I walk in a room, talks to me when he’s lonely and makes me laugh uncontrollably at times when he’s just doing those doggy things he do.

As silly as it seems, I tell him goodbye every morning, I tell him when I’m coming back and I tell him I love him every day. I also apologize when I’m late, when I oversleep and when I accidentally run out of food and have to run to to the store. And when I come home from work I ask him how his day was and listen. Now, all of this could be that I live alone, but I honestly talk to him at times more than some roommates I’ve had. Now, go love on your animals, because they’d love in you 24/7 if you’d let them.